Pants

Not to be like this Cornell sorority, but sometimes the clothes people wear just. Drive. Me. Crazy. I know that I am by no means in any position to critique other people's fashion choices. I make dubious selections all the time. But damn it, leggings aren't pants. I mean, I understand the confusion. They cover all of your legs and they're sold in clothing stores. However, as one of my best friends says, "If I can see your vajayjay, you need to put on some fucking pants."

I'm not the only one of my friends to take issue with this eye-gouge-worthy trend. In fact, we went so far as to come up with the Pants Spectrum, in order to better explain what does and does not constitute acceptable leg covering, after one too many horrified glance-exchanges in the dining hall. In summary, most common bottoms count as pants: corduroys, jeans, shorts that don't show butt, skirts with the same caveat, dresses, yoga pants, sweat pants, etc. (As a helpful hint, if they were featured in "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk," they're not on the "Pants" end of the Pants Spectrum.) After the Pants part of the Spectrum is an abrupt, but apparently easy to miss, shift to the Not Pants end of things. Included on the Not Pants section of the Spectrum: leggings, tights, stirrup pants (tricky, I know, but leggings with straps to keep them from riding up are still leggings), and items from the costume closet for "Badonkadonk."

This might seem like a trivial distinction to spend hours ranting and wildly gesticulating about, but come on. American Apparel is even printing warnings inside their leggings, reminding wearers that they're not pants. Sweet, sweet vindication.